


Sleepsong

by whathopewrites3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Rey is kind of depressed at the beginning, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 21:02:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13689738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whathopewrites3/pseuds/whathopewrites3
Summary: In the aftermath of Crait, Rey finds herself lonelier than ever. Try as she might, she can't help but go back to the one person who ever stopped her from feeling alone.





	Sleepsong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lorelei713](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorelei713/gifts).



The first thing Rey did after Crait was learn how to block him. She scoured the Jedi texts for information, anything that could help her, and diligently practiced keeping Ben out until it became almost second nature. It would have been harder if he had been trying to keep it open, but he was blocking her, too. They couldn't be vulnerable anymore. They'd lost that privileged. 

Resistance operations had recently moved to a new planet, some nameless backwater in the outer rim. The nights on this planet were longer, the sky cold and grey. Rey missed the feeling of sunshine on her skin and sweat on the back of her neck but the Resistance was her home now so she would follow wherever they lead her. 

With reconstruction, everyone had a job. Finn and Rose were in charge of training new recruits in the ways of both combat and tech. Poe had his work cut out for himself as both a recruiter and his newfound position as an Admiral, the General's right-hand man. There was a constant bustle of training and meetings and everyone was extraordinarily busy. Rey, too, had a new job, teaching herself to become a Jedi warrior. She was a brilliant fighter, she'd needed to be to survive. But keeping her mind at peace, controlling her emotions- That was something she'd never been able to get down. 

The thing about being “The Last Jedi” is that there really is no one else for you to rely on. No teachers, no sparring partners, just a bunch of musty old books. But Rey was used to teaching herself things, she'd done it her whole life. At first Rey took to isolating herself so she could focus on her reading. Becoming a Jedi was a lot harder than she'd initially assumed. There were so many different techniques, a whole level of control that Rey was nowhere near mastering. It required her constant effort and even that wasn't enough. All the previous success she'd had was always in life of death situations, but on her own in a sparring room it was like she couldn't muster up teh strength. Rey started avoiding talking to her friends because they inevitably asked her about how her training was going and she didn’t want to talk to them about it. They were all so busy and successful, she didn’t want them to know about her failure. 

The problem with isolating yourself is once you start, you don’t really know how to stop. Suddenly Rey found herself alone all the time and she wasn’t sure she liked it. She missed her friends but whenever they tried to spend time with her she just felt awkward. Poe was Mr. Popular and Finn and Rose seemed to spend all day just looking into each others eyes so Rey wasn’t quite sure where she fit in. 

Rey wasn’t sure when but she felt as though time had stopped for her; every day was the same, breakfast in the canteen, meditation until lunch, solitary workouts in the afternoon, maybe an invitation to a strategy meeting if she was lucky, and then dinner with friends who seemed to always be talking faster than her brain could fully comprehend. 

“I'll see you guys later,” Rey said to Finn and Rose one day as they were walking back from the canteen one day. She hadn't said a word at dinner and she was tired of feeling like an outsider listening in on their conversations.

“Rey, no, come hang out with us! We’re teaching some of the new recruits to play Sabacc,” Finn pleaded, "I feel like I never see you anymore."

“I'm just tired, Finn, don't worry. You guys have fun without me.” Rey wasn't lying, she really was tired. But she also didn't want to spend all evening watching Rose and Finn laugh at things Rey didn't understand. They spoke their own language, sometimes not even needed words to communicate. It made Rey nauseous. It wasn't their fault Rey was jealous, they just reminded her of something she almost had. 

~~~  
It was funny to Rey how she could spend all day longing for sleep but the minute she got into bed her head turned on her. 

“A true Jedi would be able to calm her mind,” her thoughts whispered cruelly as she lay alone in her bed. She carried her failure as a Jedi with her everywhere. Nowhere was safe. Even the Island she dreamed of on Jakku had been corrupted. She hadn’t slept well in weeks now. Every time she closed her eyes she thought back to that days training and what had gone wrong. She thought back to her friends and how their lives were better off without her. She thought of the Resistance and how she would inevitably let them down. It had been so long since she'd slept well, she would do anything for peace.

She was so tired of feeling uncomfortable, so tired of the emptiness, so tired of the way her heart ached for that true sense of belonging that she had felt touching the hand of a monster. 

He had once told her she wasn’t alone. 

It was a last resort.

~~~

Rose once told her they had a saying back on her planet, “Don't talk to strangers.” 

Where was that advice two months ago.

~~~ 

There was a place where he lived, at the very back of her mind. Slowly she peeled down the walls that she had so meticulously crafted to keep him at bay and felt her mind relax into the freedom. She'd missed him in a way.

Rey was almost shocked at how quickly they were connected once she'd stopped blocking him. Almost instantly she heard the familiar yet eerie silence that came before he appeared right in front of her.

Seeing him again was terrifying. He was so enormous, so out of place in her plain quarters. In many ways he looked the same, same dark clothes, same quaffed hair, but in other ways he was different. He looked almost, relaxed?

He seemed unphased by Rey's sudden reappearance in his life. Instead he simply smirked at her. “I'm surprised you lasted this long,” he said, and oh how she hated her heart for quickening at the sound of his voice.

“This doesn't mean I'm going back to you,” she immediately retorted. 

“I never said you were,” he replied coolly.

“Why aren't you angry with me?” Rey asked, confused by his calm demeanor. She had expected fury, she had expected petulance. She didn't expect whatever this was. 

“Who says I'm not,” he responded, confusing Rey even further.

“I thought… after everything-”

“My walls have been down for weeks now, it seems it was you who was more angry with me,” he interrupted. “I was certain you would cave earlier.” 

“I did not cave to anything! I was simply exhausted for the mental energy of constantly keeping you out.” His condescension was so infuriating. 

“Oh, you know the real reason you're here. The scavenger has never been very good at letting go has she? Don't lie to yourself, you've missed me,” Ben said smugly. 

Rey immediately felt ashamed of herself. Was she that obviously pathetic? She curled her legs into her chest and bowed her head as if trying to hide her heart which he could clearly see so well.

“It's okay Rey, I missed you too,” Ben admitted softly and Rey's heart skipped a beat. She snapped her head back up to look at him. Her eyes began to water and she would've been ashamed at the tears if she had had any more dignity to hold on to. 

“I just wish you could've come with me,” she whispered. 

“We both know that couldn't happen,” he whispered back. 

The air around them was tense, but not with the anger she had once associated with Kylo Ren. This was instead the familiar tension that pooled in her stomach when she was alone with Ben. It was almost nice, in a way, to feel something. 

"I'm sorry I left you the way that I did. I should never have pulled my saber on you. I was so mad at Luke for betraying you and then I did the same thing. I'm so sorry," Rey confessed. Suddenly Rey's whole body relaxed. She hadn’t realized that she’d been holding her breath ever since she’d closed that door on Crait, but she supposed she had. The past several weeks of sleepless nights hit her all at once and she was exhausted but at least she said what she hadn't even realized she needed to.

“You look exhausted,” Ben said to her.

“You’re one to talk,” Rey replied, with a small smile that surprised her. 

“Then you can trust me when I say you should sleep." She knew he was right but she still felt wary of closing her eyes just yet.

“If you want… I could stay here until you fall asleep,” he said shyly, clearly nervous of how Rey would respond. “I remember… I found the nights difficult, too.”

“Okay,” Rey said simply. They sat in silence for the rest of the evening. It wasn’t awkward or angry, it was just them. They were getting used to each other again. Eventually Rey couldn’t fight it anymore and she closed her eyes, just for a second.

When she woke up a few hours later, Ben was gone and her room was empty. But somehow, Rey didn’t feel alone. 

~~~

“Is there something different with Rey today,” Rose asked Finn as Rey passed them in the hallway. She was clearly on her way back from a sparring session. Her cheeks were red and her body was sweaty, yet there was a spring in her step that had been missing for so long. 

“What do you mean?” he replied.

“I don’t know she just seems… different?” Rose replied. “Less sad.”

“She seems the same to me.”

“I think she’s been feeling lonely,” Rose said. 

“How could she be lonely, she has us!” Finn replied. Rose simply rolled her eyes in response. Maybe Rey had found something to help heal the loneliness… Rose remembered the tired bags under Rey’s eyes and smiled to herself at the thought. Something to heal the loneliness indeed.

~~~

Rey had her walls back up all day. No matter what sort of peace she and Ben might have come to last night she didn’t need him slipping in in the middle of a strategy meeting. Still, all day she couldn’t help but feel drawn to thoughts of Ben. She wondered if this evening when she took down her walls his would be down, too. It was nice now that Snoke wasn’t bridging their minds that they had some sort of autonomy over the bond. It was almost like a real friendship, like they had commed each other the night before after weeks apart. 

Rey had never had a friend like that. 

Somehow the usually long day went faster than normal. She trained harder, ate more, and at dinner when Finn made a joke she actually laughed. But through it all she longed for the evening, though this time not for sleeping. 

At the end of the day Rey readied herself for bed faster than she usually did. She sat on her bed and slowly let her walls come down. Then he appeared. 

Quickly this became a nightly routine for the two of them. They would sit and spend the evenings together until Rey eventually fell asleep. They spent the time usually working on their own projects, Rey reading quietly to herself while Ben puttered around, often reviewing files on a data pad. They would occasionally interrupt they silence for a question or a conversation. Rey asked Ben what his favorite planet he had ever been to was.

“Naboo,” he replied, “Maybe I’ll take you someday.” 

Ben asked Rey what her favorite food was now that she’d actually eaten something other than rations. 

“Sweetberries,” she said after a few minutes consideration. 

Sometimes when it got really late and Rey was still awake she would ask Ben the questions that had plagued her since they were first bonded.

“What made you choose to kill Snoke and not me,” she asked one night, long after the sun had set on her distant corner of the galaxy. 

“In that moment, it wasn’t even a decision. I knew it had to be done. I couldn’t watch him hurt you anymore. I couldn’t let you die.”

Rey didn’t know how to go on from there. She had always sort of known it was for her, but hearing Ben say it out loud was a different matter. 

The continued to sit in silence for a few minutes until Ben suddenly said, “I’ve never actually had my head to myself before. He was always there, even when I was a baby. It was so quiet when he was gone I didn’t know what to do. Except there was this little corner in the back of my mind where you lived and suddenly someone was in my head again… only this time it’s different. Instead of having this demon that’s constantly sucking the life out of me I have you. I actually, I kind of like having you there.” 

“So you don’t mind that you’ve never gotten to be alone?” Rey asked, suddenly feeling guilty for this new bond. What must it have been like to never ever been your own mind. 

“When Snoke was in my head I was alone. I don’t want to be alone.” 

That night Rey dreamt of the Island from back on Jakku again, only this time Ben was there too. There was something about the way the wind had blown through his hair that gave Rey a sense of endless possibilities. 

~~~~

“Did you build your own lightsaber?” Rey and Ben had been connecting every evening for the past several weeks but neither had brought up the Jedi or the Force yet. It was dangerous ground but Rey was starting to get impatient. She needed a person, not a book.

“Yes,” he replied, looking up from the holo he was reading in the corner of her room, likely sitting at a desk in his own quarters somewhere, “Why?”

“I want to learn to make one,” Rey replied, suddenly feeling nervous. 

He smiled at her. “You need a teacher?” he questioned.  
“Maybe.”  
“We can start tomorrow. Here’s what you’ll need-”  
The next night Rey was more excited to see Ben than ever. She had grabbed the pieces of metal and the fragments of Luke’s lightsaber than she had kept.  
“It split,” Ben said upon seeing the two shards of the crystal.

“Umm, yeah. We kind of broke it,” Rey replied. 

“You realize what this means for your saber, right?”

Rey’s heart sank. “Does this mean I can’t make one,” she asked, heart already sinking. 

“No, you can make one, it’ll just be wild and damaged. Like mine.” Ben said the last sentence almost as a whisper. 

“Well that’s okay, I don’t mind mine being like yours,” Rey said blushing the two of them set to work. 

They worked half the night away, planning and building (and arguing) until at last Rey had turned the two fragments of kyber crystal into a crackling blue saber staff. 

When she first flipped the switches and saw the two blades of blue light up Rey screamed with excitement. She was so excited that without thinking she leaned over and kissed Ben's cheek. He stiffened immediately and Rey instantly regretted it. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I just got so excited about the lightsaber I wasn’t thinking. That was just something I saw Rose do with Finn it was stupid, I’m so sorry, of course you would never want me to-”

“It’s ok,” Ben interrupted her, “I, uh, I didn’t mind it.” 

“Oh, um, okay. That’s good, I guess,” Rey replied, unsure of quite what to say. 

Ben coughed and then continued, “We should make sure that grip is how you like it.” Rey was thankful for a change of subject but Rey couldn’t help but notice the tips of his ears peeking out from behind his hair had gone completely red. 

~~~

The next day everyone gathered round to admire Rey’s newly built saber-staff. 

“Wow, Rey, that’s incredible. How did you know how to do that?” Poe asked her. 

“Well, you know, the Force works in mysterious ways.” 

~~~

One night Rey opened up the bond and was immediately met by a wall. This wasn’t unusual, sometimes Ben had a late-night strategy meeting and he wouldn’t be able to check in until later in the day. But, as the hours ticked by Rey’s mind began to travel. What if Ben was about to betray her and so he was shielding himself from her? What if he was in battle and he was hurt and he didn’t want her to know so he was wasting his last remnants of energy blocking her? What if he was just gone?

As these thoughts cycled through Rey’s head her heart began to race and she began breathing faster and faster. Where was he, why wasn’t he here with her? Why had he left her alone again?

Suddenly she felt a jolt in that familiar part of her mind and Ben materialized right in front of her trembling form. 

“Rey, what’s wrong?” Ben asked immediately, his face warped with concern as he looked upon her panicking frame. The relief Rey should have felt upon seeing him had yet to catch up with her nerves as she continued to feel as though her skin was too tight for her body. 

“Where were you?” she gasped as tears slid down her face. 

Ben knelt in front of her and placed a hand on her cheek. “Rey, I’m so sorry. There was a problem aboard my ship, it was an emergency. I can’t always be there when you need me and for that I am sorry.” 

Rey was struck by the fact that the Supreme Leader of the galaxy had just apologized to her twice as she leaned into his touch. “I don’t know what happened I just got so scared. I don’t want to be alone again.” 

“You’ll never be alone,” he replied lowly, leaning his forehead against hers. When had they gotten so close. When had it felt so normal for him to touch her like this. Rey suddenly felt too warm. Over the past weeks she had come to know him, come to depend on him, and come to want him in a way that was new and unfamiliar. She tilted her head ever so slightly and moved her lips up to meet his. 

The feeling of his lips on hers was electrifying in ways Rey had never expected. She felt the hairs all over her body stand on end as Ben moved his lips against hers. Slowly the hand on her cheek pushed its way back into her hair and Rey found herself clutching at his arms. 

Rey had never felt anything like this before. Perhaps it was the leftover adrenaline running through her body but Rey wanted Ben, every part of him. She felt a pull deep in her stomach as she moved forward off her bed to straddle Ben on the floor, loving the feeling of him between her legs. Her lips moved to his neck as she began to unbutton the front of his robes. 

“Wait Rey, I don’t- I don't want it like this,” Ben said to her, pulling her hands off of his chest.

Rey was instantly embarrassed. He didn’t want her, of course he didn’t. Tears sprang to her eyes but she refused to let him see her cry so she turned her head in shame.

“Oh, no no, Rey I want you!” Ben half yelled, grabbing at her forearms and pulling them to him. “I just want you for real. I want you on the same planet, I want you in person. I want whatever this is to be, well, right.”

Rey smiled and her heart swelled. She was wanted. He wanted it to be proper and she wanted him so badly that her body sang for him. She didn’t know how it had happened but it did, she had fallen in love with him. He was right, nights across their minds just weren’t good enough anymore. She wanted to feel him really touch her, she wanted to feel his breath across her cheek, to smell her sweat on his skin. She wanted what everyone else had. 

“A neutral planet,” she breathed.

“What?” he looked up at her, the hope in his eyes betraying his cool demeanor.

“We find somewhere neutral. We can meet there and just be together. Even if it’s just for one night.”

“Are you sure about this?” he asked her.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

~~~

He had given her the coordinates for an isolated moon on the mid-rim that they were to meet on a week later. It was a small, temperate place that he remembered visiting once as a child. When Rey landed she was amazed to see all the different colors of leaves on the trees. Red, Orange, Brown, Yellow; it was incredible. The whole moon seemed dusted with color. 

They had arranged to meet at a small inn, private enough for them to remain unnoticed yet public enough to prevent any kind of ambush. Not that Rey was worried, she trusted Ben. 

He met her at the foot of her ship. Hard as it was, she had decided not to take the Falcon, she didn’t need bad memories spoiling what little time she had with Ben. 

He met her by the hangar of her ship. Rey was reminded of the last time she had flown to see Ben and was thankful to see that at least this time there were no handcuffs, though his face looked just as solemn. 

“Rey,” he breathed as she met him at the foot of her ship.

“Ben,” she replied, suddenly very nervous. She took his hand, hoping that somehow the touch would calm her but if anything that made her more excited. More overwhelmed. 

She followed him into the inn and up the stairs until suddenly they were alone together in a small room. The room was sweet, the walls painted a pale blue with large windows showing the colorful foliage that littered the planet. In the center was a large bed that Rey and Ben were suddenly very aware of. Ben quickly let go of her hand.

“You don’t have to do anything, you know that, right? This meeting each other, it doesn’t have to mean anything, it can just be like any other night, if you want it do.” 

Hearing his voice, low and caring, all of her nerves melted away. “Ben,” Rey said, closing the distance between them and raising her hand to touch his cheek, “I want you. All of you.” 

Rey slowly raised her head up to touch her lips to his. At first Ben remained still, as if still drinking in that this was really happening, that Rey was really here. Then he suddenly came alive, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her even closer to him as his tongue lapped at the seam of her mouth. She opened it willingly as one of her hands slid up to clutch at his hair while was content to untuck his tunic. As she wrapped her hand around his body she was suddenly aware of how large his entire body was and the thought made her shiver.

Ben unlatched himself from her mouth and he began to trail hot kisses down her neck as his hands fumbled unclasping her belt and pushing off the pieces of fabric draped over her shoulder. Her tunic quickly followed the way of her belt leaving her in just her breast band and leggings. 

Rey was just as impatient to take of Ben’s clothes as he appeared to be taking off hers. She made quick work of the buttons on his tunic. She had seen his bare chest once before, but she hadn’t allowed herself to marvel at him then. He was pure solid, and as her hands trailed down his chest and she stared at him felt a growing heat begin to pool beneath her legs. 

Ben moved to kiss her again, undoing the buns in her hair as he walked forward and pushed her down onto the bed. She leaned back on her elbows as he continued to ravage her mouth and neck. The more he kissed her the more she felt her body become electrified. Her nipples had hardened to the point of discomfort as they rubbed against her breast band. She guided Ben’s hands down to unwrap it, exposing her chest to the cool air.

Once her breast band was removed, Rey suddenly felt insecure. She knew she was smaller than some of the other girls in the Resistance and she didn’t know how Ben would like them. But looking up she saw his eyes widen in awe. Slowly his right thumb began to circle her left nipple while his other hand massage her other tit. His thumb was soon replaced by his mouth and the sensation was so intense Rey let out a small moan.

The noise clearly set off something within Ben as he ground his erection into her thigh. His right hand began to move further down her body and into the waistband of her leggings as his tongue continued its ministrations. She felt his fingers slip between her legs and she gasped at the sensation. She had only ever touched herself there and feeling someone else was just so intense, so much better. 

His middle finger slipped along the inside of her folds and she felt him spread her wetness around, until he slowly slipped a finger inside her. The intrusion was welcome as she felt him slowly stretch her. He began to move his finger in and out of her and just as she was beginning to get used to the sensation, he slipped another digit in. Then his thumb moved up to the little button at the top of her folds and he slowly began to caress it. Rey would have been embarrassed at the noises that came out of her if she wasn’t so lost in pleasure.

As she felt herself building she simply couldn’t take it anymore. “Please, Ben,” she whispered, clutching at his face to look into his eyes, “I want all of you.” 

He removed his hand from inside her and quickly slid off her leggings. He then stood over her as she lay on the bed to remove his own trousers, staring at the heat between her legs as he did so.

Rey shouldn’t have been surprised by the size of his cock considering the size of the rest of his body but seeing it out, red and leaking, she wasn’t sure if it was going to fit. But oddly enough, that fear somehow made her want him more. He crawled back on top of her and took himself in hand to align himself with her opening. 

He looked down at her one more time. “Are you sure?”

Rey nodded and with that he entered he in one quick thrust. He stayed completely still once inside her, for which Rey was thankful for. It was painful having him in her and she took a moment to adjust. Then he slowly began to move his hips back and forth, sliding in and out of her. The friction was incredible, feeling herself be filled again and again by him. The discomfort had worn off and was replaced by a need instead. A need for more of him, a need to be closer. She moved to wrap her legs around his waist and to meet him thrust for thrust and as she did so she felt him hit something deep inside her. His mouth was on her neck and his hand on her breast as she continued to whine while he slammed into her. It was too much for her, it was all too much. She felt herself building and building until she fell over the edge with a scream. 

The feeling of her walls trembling around his cock pushed Ben into his own oblivion as well and his steady pace suddenly became erratic. As he thrust into her one final time, she felt his hot seed pour inside her and she swore she heard him growl something, something important, into her neck and her heart stopped. 

They stayed there for a moment, both slowly coming down from their respective orgasms. Ben slowly slid out of her and she whined at the loss of him. He lay down beside her, hair splayed all over the pillows as he stared at the ceiling and she stared at his face. 

“I meant it,” Ben said to her as he began to catch his breath.

“What?” Rey asked. 

“When I said I loved you. I do.”

Rey couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face even if she had tried. “Ben Solo, I love you, too.”

And in that moment anything seemed possible. It didn’t matter that they were on opposite sides of a war, it didn’t matter that they both had to travel across the galaxy tomorrow. They were in love and they were together, and for now that was all they needed.


End file.
